Fun on Friday: Coronavirus Lockdown Edition

OK. I gotta be honest. Being effectively under house arrest isn’t very much fun. But it’s the world we live in now, so might as well make the best of it. I mean, I can at least still legally ride my bike. Not on the beach, mind you. But other than that, the outside isn’t completely off-limits.

Yet.

Actually, in some places, they have closed outside. The US Forest Service closed the Red River Gorge in Kentucky. I don’t get it. Social distancing in the woods isn’t hard. This may come as a shock to some people, but I get the feeling some of these politicians and bureaucrats actually get off on handing down edicts.

At any rate, millions of us are sitting at home now. One thing for sure, a lot of people are going to find out whether or not they really like each other or not. In about nine months, I predict we’re going to see a surge in both pregnancies and divorces.

I feel really sorry for people with school-aged kids. Suddenly, millions of parents are learning it wasn’t the teacher’s fault. I saw an unconfirmed story of a haggard mother scraping the “My Kid is an Honor Student” sticker of her mini-van on day-2 of homeschooling.

To be fair, it’s been a long time since most of us did elementary math. As one meme I saw summed it up, “A lot of common core math students are about to learn how to carry the one up in here!”

Here’s another frustration for a lot of parents. Their kids turn into helpless ninnies when it comes time to sit down and do school work. I mean, these children are whipping out Hollywood quality videos on Tik Tok, but when they are supposed to log into an app to do their math work, they suddenly can’t work technology. “Mommmmm! I can’t dooooo this!”

With significant cajoling and “encouragement,” the kid finally figures out the app and gets settled in to do her math. Five minutes later, “Dad, can I take a break?”

Of course, dad is trying to “work from home.” He has no clue what just transpired with mom. He’s busy trying to figure out how the hell to configure his webcam with Zoom so he can join a crucial conference call. “Sure honey. Take a break.”

That’s about the moment that dad feels the pain of a cast-iron skillet upside his head.

I saw a video that showed a mom and dad sitting in the driveway in their separate cars. The kids are all pressed up against the window of the house, obviously screaming and yelling. Dad is smoking a joint.

Make no mistake – that is going to be a thing.

Here’s an amusing true story. My nephew is in high school and was on a video feed with one of his classes. Out of nowhere, his 2-year-old sister yells from the next room, “I DID NOT POOP MY PAAA-ANTS I DID NOT POOP MY PAAAAAAANTS!”

Trevor is now required to be on mute during his class.

It’s a strange new world out there.

In all seriousness, take care of each other. Check in on your friends and family. And try to have a little fun. This is a stressful time for a lot of people. But we’ll make it through!

Fun on Friday is a weekly SchiffGold feature. We dig up some of the off-the-wall and off-beat stories relating to precious metals and share them with you – with tongue firmly planted in cheek. Click here to read other posts in this series.

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