Fun on Friday: Government Shutdown Survival Guide

How are you weathering the great government shutdown of 2018?

We’re in day seven now. It’s been tough here in Lexington. I’m pretty sure I saw some kid setting up an unauthorized lemonade stand. I’m not sure we will survive the plague that’s sure to follow without the FDA to put a lid on such things. 

Or are FDA inspectors “essential” government workers? If so, they are still working. Maybe I should go out an warn the kid.

Be right back.

OK. I think we’re safe from tainted lemonade. But I remain fearful of what kind of chaos might ensue next.

Anyway, the title of this post promised a government shutdown survival guide. Here it comes. Are you ready?

Continue on as you have been.

Yup. That’s it.

Let’s be honest. This whole government shutdown is nothing more than political theater. The government isn’t shut down. Not in any meaningful way. In fact, the show isn’t even as good as it was when Obama shut things down back in 2013. I remember they actually closed Mount Rushmore. As in they literally blocked the road leading up to the monument. In other words, the government spent money to “close” a mountain. Here’s a photo from that year.

During this shutdown, you can still gaze at the dead presidents. But Mount Rushmore social media and websites are not being monitored or updated during the shutdown. I’m sorry. Just try to power through.

Mostly, we’re hearing about the poor federal workers who aren’t getting paid. I actually saw a story reporting that the government is providing counseling for furloughed employees with advice on how to hold off debt collectors during the shutdown. Let’s get real for a second. We’re in day seven. If you’re already dealing with debt collectors after seven days, you have a way bigger problem than the shutdown.

The truth is, this is all meant to tug on our emotional heartstrings. These people will get paid. The feds working without pay will certainly get paid. And in all likelihood, the furloughed workers will too. So, it’s basically a paid vacation courtesy of the US taxpayer. And during the holidays and all. How sad.

These government shutdowns also bring up another issue that I don’t think enough people consider. Why does the government have “non-essential” workers? Seems like there might be some government fat we could trim, eh? I mean, it’s not like there is a budget surplus. I know, I know, the Fed can always print more money. But still…

So, here’s the hard truth. The government isn’t shut down. I think this flowchart sums it up pretty good.

Yeah. The IRS will never be deemed “non-essential.” They’re going to keep collecting whether Uncle Sam is paying all his employees or not.

You know what else won’t stop? Bombing foreign countries won’t stop. NSA spying won’t stop. Enforcement of unconstitutional gun control won’t stop. The unconstitutional drug war won’t stop. They never stop all the really bad stuff.

So, how about this? How about a real government shutdown? Why half-ass it? I say go big or go home.

They won’t. But we can dream, right?

So, at least enjoy this partial shutdown while you can. Pop some popcorn. Collect some rainwater in a barrel. Drink some unregulated lemonade. Start up an unlicensed snow removal service. And make sure to mock the feds relentlessly. It won’t last long, so we might as well enjoy it while we can!

Fun on Friday is a weekly SchiffGold feature. We dig up some of the off-the-wall and off-beat stories relating to precious metals and share them with you – with tongue firmly planted in cheek. Click here to read other posts in this series.

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