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Fun on Friday: Forget Area 51; Storm the Fed!

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So, are you planning on storming Area 51 this fall?

You know, this is a thing, right?

There’s a Facebook page and everything. And you know, if there’s a Facebook event page, it’s a real thing.

So far, 1.7 million people have indicated they are going to the event on Sept. 20, and more than 1.3 million more are “interested” in seeing “them aliens.”

Here’s how it’s going to go down, according to the event page.

We will all meet up at the Area 51 Alien Center tourist attraction and coordinate our entry. If we naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets. Let’s see them aliens.”

For those of you who don’t speak nerd, “naruto running” references the main character in a Japanese manga series called Naruto. I’m not going to try to explain this any further, because, well, I don’t really understand it. But there is a WikiHow if you want to learn to run like Naruto. Apparently, this cartoon dude is really fast and can outrun bullets?

Let me let you in on a little secret. Area 51 doesn’t exist in cartoon world. It’s a real Air Force base. The guards shoot real bullets. And I’m going to go out on a limb and say that even if you master the steps given in the WikiHow, you ain’t outrunning real-world bullets.

So, the Area 51 raid is a hard “No!” for me. Mainly because I’m old, can’t run very fast, Naruto-style or otherwise. And I don’t relish getting shot.

Now, there is validity to the argument that “they can’t stop all of us.” If 1 million people actually stormed Area 51 at the same time, the government would definitely have a hard time stopping them. But like I said, I’m old and slow, so if somebody is going to get stopped, it would probably be me.

I have to say this though, I kind of like the thinking here. But it’s misdirected. I mean, I get it. Who doesn’t want to see aliens? But at the end of the day, would it really change our lives in any significant way?


So, I say if we’re going to muster up the effort to storm something – if we’re really going to take the risk – let’s do something that matters.

I say we storm the Eccles Building.

This is our one realistic chance to “End the Fed!” We storm the building, take it over and shut down the Federal Reserve. While we’re in there, we can even go into the basement and break the printing press.*

Think about it: no more fiat currency. No more Fed-induced boom-bust cycle. No more droning speeches by J. Powell.

I really can’t see any downside here.

I mean, there is still the chance of getting shot. But if you’re going to take the risk, make it for something that matters. Go big or go home, I say.

*I know there isn’t really a printing press inside the Eccles Building. Fun on Friday is satire. It’s a joke. Chill. But you know, there might as well be. That’s one of the main reasons why we keep telling you to buy gold. Oh. Also, I’m not really suggesting we storm the Fed. Again – satire.

Fun on Friday is a weekly SchiffGold feature. We dig up some of the off-the-wall and off-beat stories relating to precious metals and share them with you – with tongue firmly planted in cheek. Click here to read other posts in this series.


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About The Author

Michael Maharrey is the managing editor of the SchiffGold blog, and the host of the Friday Gold Wrap Podcast and It's Your Dime interview series.
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