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Fun on Friday: Five Awful Uses for Gold

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We all want gold, right? We like gold things.

Athletes compete for the gold medal. We give our loved ones gold jewelry. When something is great, we say it’s the gold standard.

But there have been some pretty atrocious things made with gold. Here are my top-five awful uses for gold.

1. Gold poop pills

I mentioned these in a recent Fun on Friday when I listed odd uses for gold. Making pills so people can poop gold is not only odd, it’s pretty awful.

Designer Ken Courtney and artist Tobias Wong produced 24K, swallowable gold pills. This was back in 2005. The pills were filled with gold leaf and cost $425 at the time.

2. Poison Rings

When I think about it, this should probably be number one – given that this is specifically for killing people. This actually dates back to ancient cultures. People made large gold rings with hidden compartments that could hide poison liquid or powder inside. When the victim wasn’t looking, the slick assassin could pop open the ring and quickly dump the poison into food or drink.

3. Golden Guns

This goes along with poison rings. As you may have noticed, I’m not big on killing people. But you know who is big on killing people? Drug cartels. And what better way to kill somebody than with a gold gun. Pictures taken by drug cartels have circulated on social media of gold-plated firearms. They may not be practical for actual killing, but they do advertise the fact that sometimes crime does in fact pay. Yes –  drug cartels are apparently marketing savvy.

4. Gold Grills

This may offend some people, but probably not many people reading the SchiffGold website – so I’m going to go with it. I’m not talking about a place to cook your meat. I’m talking about covers for your teeth. I don’t know that it is so much today, but for a while, this was a big fashion thing. I know this is a matter of taste, but if you ask me, covering your teeth with gold is just – awful.

5. Gold Coffee

People put gold on all kinds of food. It’s not my thing, but I get the point. It creates a sense of opulence that a lot of people enjoy. But gold coffee? That goes too far. Why? because coffee is nasty. Putting gold in it does not fix that problem. No need for you coffee lovers to email me. You’re just wrong.

So, there you have it – five awful uses for gold. I’m just going to stick to traditional gold jewelry – and some bars and coins to protect my wealth.

Fun on Friday is a weekly SchiffGold feature. We dig up some of the off-the-wall and off-beat stories relating to precious metals and share them with you – with tongue firmly planted in cheek. Click here to read other posts in this series.

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About The Author

Michael Maharrey is the managing editor of the SchiffGold blog, and the host of the Friday Gold Wrap Podcast and It's Your Dime interview series.
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