Fun on Friday: Criminally Confused

OK. We know people who go around burglarizing homes and businesses probably aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed. But a burglar in Grand Rapids, Mich., may take the cake for dumb criminals.

The poor soul caught on camera burglarizing a local business was criminally confused. He apparently thought the company had left a stack of gold bars out on the sales floor – in front of the window.

Because, you know, a lot of businesses stack gold bars in plain sight of passing pedestrians.

And of course, if the company is called “Old to Gold,” well, it’s almost certain that those glittering bars sitting within tantalizing reach are the real thing.

But this isn’t a gold shop. It’s not a bank. Nope. It’s a flooring company. It will take your old nasty floors and turn them into gold. But no – not real gold, silly. It’s a figure of speech.

Anyway, our intrepid burglar apparently didn’t think this through. He couldn’t resist the stack of gold bars. He could see them. They were sitting right there So, he pitched a rock through a window and made his way inside.

Now, this is probably going to shock you, but the gold bars weren’t real. They were promotional items made of foam. An employee at the store described them as stress bars. You know, like the foam balls you squeeze when the tensions of the day start to build up. Except these are bar-shaped.

According to the news report, our criminal left empty-handed. Now, that might have been a mistake. He probably should have grabbed one of the foam bars. I’m pretty sure his stress level is pretty high after WZZM broadcast footage of him rummaging around in the store – trying to steal gold foam.

The employee told WZZM he “would never want to pass judgment on anybody’s intelligence.”

I’m sorry. I’m not that nice. I’ll be happy to pass judgment. This burglar was dumber than a box of rocks. Anybody who seriously entertained the notion that a company would leave a stack of gold bars out in the open isn’t very bright.

Ah, what could have been. An actual gold bar the size of the foam replicas would be worth close to $13,000. The foam version – about a buck-fifty.

So, here’s your lesson for this week. If you want gold bars, don’t break into a flooring store. The gold isn’t there. But I know where you can get some gold bars. And coins too! Just call one of our SchiffGold precious metals specialists today at 1-888-GOLD-160. We not only have gold in our name – we have gold.

Fun on Friday is a weekly SchiffGold feature. We dig up some of the off-the-wall and off-beat stories relating to precious metals and the economy and share them with you – with tongue firmly planted in cheek. Click here to read other posts in this series.

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