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Fun on Friday: He Put Gold Where???

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A few Fridays back, I shared some of the innovative ways people have come up with to smuggle gold. Like I said in that article, gold smuggling is a very lucrative business. People want gold, and they’ll go to great lengths to have it. But smuggling isn’t as easy as you might think, and people have put gold in some places … Well, let’s just say it couldn’t have been a comfortable experience.

OK – I’ll just come out and say it. More than a few smugglers have resorted to sticking gold up their butts.

Now when I hear about these stories, I imagine some poor guy shoving a few gold coins or ingots up there – or maybe even a single bar. That would be uncomfortable enough. But get this. A man from Sri Lanka got caught with 2.2 pounds of gold stashed in his rectum.

Yes. You read that right.

POUNDS.

According to the Metro, the 45-year-old was trying to smuggle the gold into India when customs agents at the Colombo airport noticed “suspicious movements.”

Now now. Don’t be gross. Not that kind of “movement.” You’ve heard people say, “He walks like he has a stick up his rear.” More like that.

Airport spokesman Sunil Jayaratne told the Metro the man was called for a thorough screening after customs officers noticed him walking with difficulty and appearing to be in pain.

Ya think?

None of the media reports I read described what exactly a “thorough screening” involves. I have to admit, I don’t really want to know.

Anyway, can up imagine trying to walk normally with 2.2 pounds of gold stuck in your rear? According to customs agents, this guy had four bags of gold shoved in there. Officials say they retrieved seven gold ‘biscuits’ and six gold chains, worth $29,577.

No wonder agents easily spotted the guy. I wonder how that conversation went?

CUSTOMS AGENT: “Hey buddy. You OK?”

DUDE WITH 2 POUNDS OF GOLD IN BUTT: “Yeah, sure. I’m fine. Just a bad bout of ‘roids.”

Just a note to all of you would-be gold smugglers out there. Apparently customs agents are queued into this kind of behavior. You might call it the gold smugglers walk. A customs agent said this isn’t the only guy they’ve caught in this – condition.

This is not the first such detection and this is a common method of smuggling.”

According to the Guardian, smugglers typically buy gold from places where the precious metal is relatively cheap and where there are fewer trade restrictions, such as Dubai and Singapore, hoping to sell it in India.

Interestingly, according to media reports, authorities didn’t jail the guy. They made him pay a $1,531 fine and let him go. I guess they figured he’d suffered enough.

This once again demonstrates the lengths people will go to in order to have gold. Thankfully – oh so thankfully – you don’t have to shove gold into any orifice in order to enjoy its benefits. You can just call 1-888-GOLD-160 and speak with a Precious Metals Specialist today. No awkward walk required.

Fun on Friday is a weekly SchiffGold feature. We dig up some of the off-the wall and off-beat stories relating to precious metals and the economy, and share them with you – with tongue firmly planted in cheek. Click here to read other posts in this series.

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