Every morning, I get up and peruse the latest gold news. As part of that process, I just Google the word “gold.” I find a lot of useful articles that way. But I also have to filter through a lot of extraneous stuff – headlines like “Australian Bicycle Team Wins Gold Medal.” Anyway, I generally just scroll past that stuff. But as you can imagine, if it’s a big story, I end up seeing the headline over and over again. And sometimes, I click out of morbid curiosity.
That happened today. Over the last couple of days, I kept seeing headlines about how somebody has figured out how to melt gold at room temperature. At first, I thought, eh, I don’t really care. But after seeing the headline for the 894th time, I clicked.
Well, today is Black Friday.
Since 2005, the day after Thanksgiving has marked the busiest shopping day of the year. I know a lot of people who treat today like a holiday. They even have Black Friday traditions. I actually have some friends who meet at 3 a.m. on Black Friday for breakfast and then hit the sales.
A few months ago, during a major downpour, I noticed water drip, drip, dripping onto the floor of my guest bedroom. I put a bucket under it and climbed into the attic, horror clawing at the edges of my mind. Was I about to need a new roof?
If you’re a homeowner, you probably share my dread of the roof going bad. It’s generally one of the highest home-repair cost you will ever encounter. It can run you over $10,000 just to replace a modest size roof.
Now, imagine if your roof was made out of gold.
Last Friday, I told you where you can get coffee with real gold mixed into it. It’s part of this trend of edible gold. People are mixing gold into all kinds of foods — even beer and chicken wings. Like I said last week, I think people like to eat gold because it seems indulgent and decadent. Not my thing, but I get it. But you know what? There’s a more pragmatic reason to eat gold.
Transportation.
Video games have come a long way. Amazing graphics. Multiplayer options online. Gold controllers.
Yes. You read that right.
Gold controllers.
Will work for gold!
Who wouldn’t right? I don’t know about you, but I would work even harder for some gold than I would for dollars, knowing the Federal Reserve isn’t going to inflate the value of my gold away by 2% or more every year.
Well, apparently people aren’t the only organisms that know the value of gold. Scientists have discovered a bacterium that will work for us and actually help us create energy. But you have to pay it in gold.
People love to cover things with gold. It’s pretty. But more than that, gold makes things more valuable.
In past Fun on Friday columns, I’ve highlighted some of the stuff people have coated with gold including earbuds, Nikes, a hairdryer, chicken wings, and soap. Well, this week I’ve got another for you, but I’m going to confess up front – this one annoys me.
The capitol dome in Denver Colorado was recently restored and covered with about 65 ounces of .9999 pure gold. Yup. They put gold on the roof of a government building.
Are you an audiophile? Do you want your music to sound like gold? I’ve got just what you need. Gold earbuds.
No. No. No.
I don’t just mean gold colored earbuds. I mean earbuds covered in actual gold.
Do you want to maintain your youthful appearance?
Drink a 16th-century concoction made from gold!
Of course, the main reason it will keep you looking young is that it will kill you young. But if you’re OK with that little side-effect, this just might be the anti-aging solution you’re looking for.
I’m a pretty cynical person. And I don’t really trust people. To call me skeptical would be an understatement. I’m the guy who wastes time Googling an even slightly sketchy sounding story posted on Facebook to see if it’s really true. So, I don’t think I would be very easy to scam.
Now, I’m not arrogant enough to think it could never happen. I’m sure there are ways I could be fooled. But I still find it really difficult to understand how some of these scammers ever make a dime. I mean, who actually believes that Nigerian prince is going to send them $8 million? Who actually goes to Target to buy gift cards to send to the Indian IRS agent? (Yes. That is a thing.) And who goes to a storage facility to buy cheap gold?
That last one … It just happened.
